Hi there. We meet
again after such a long time. Akhirnya dapat jugak aku masa untuk menulis
macam ni. Bukan senang nak ambik cuti and
duduk rumah and duduk diam tanpa
berbuat apa-apa. So, today I’m gonna
finally write the things that I’ve been longing to write since I met you, sayang.
I don’t know how we met, or specifically
how I managed to fall in love with you, cuz’ you know I’m nobody and you’re
such one hot lady, dah lah muka ada iras-iras Intan Ladyana and Jennifer Lawrence pulak tu, but the
only thing I know now is that, there’s nothing else in this world that I care
most about other than you.
Awal-awal dulu susah sebenarnya aku nak get a grip of my girl’s pace. After
a few weeks into the relationship, baru aku tau yang dia sebenarnya ada unsettled feelings dengan bekas kekasih
dia, that they broke up just because they
are far away. Bila aku tau tentang tu, frankly
speaking, I was quite shocked and
confused. Shocked sebab aku tak sangka benda tu boleh terjadi dekat aku dan
confused kenapa jadi dekat aku. Tapi slowly, aku bertahan, bertahan dengan
cara yang aku tak pernah buat sebelum ni. Aku jaga ego aku, aku kawal kemarahan
dan perasaan aku, dan aku tingkatkan usaha aku. I was glad you know, that you wanted to give me all the chances there
are in the world for me to win your heart.
But sayang, along the
process, I want you to know that it hurts me deep inside knowing that the
person I love and care about has unsettled feelings with her ex. Sakit tahu
sayang? I bertahan dekat sini, even for a
few short months, but still, it is more than 1 week, so it is a long time then,
but I managed to hold on sampai hari ni, semuanya sebab I sayang you so
much.
Sayang, I know you
must’ve been confused about this and trust me, if I ever in your position, I
would’ve been confused to. Tapi sayang, you sekarang dengan I, not with him anymore. You dengan
Syamsurie, not with some Sabahan guy
anymore. I’m your man now, not some
Borneo guys who barely had started his working life. Have you ever feel how I feel going through all this? It hurts, trust
me it does. But hey, given the fact that I’m a very dedicated man, you tahu
kan sayang yang I takkan putus asa? I
know you know.
Walaupun kita baru beberapa bulan bersama, oh well, I must admit that among all the
girl that I’ve dated, you’re the best. You’re
the one sayang and you totally stand above the rest. I tak pernah rasa
sayang dekat seseorang macam ni, tapi dengan you, semua yang I tak pernah rasa
tu datang dekat I. Bukan I nak mengungkit, tapi all the things that I’ve done for you is for one reason and one reason
only, untuk memenangi sepenuhnya hati gadis yang telah menambat hati I. She’s made me fall in love with her so bad,
and I wanna make her fell in love that badly for me too.
Tapi sayang, sometimes
you made it hard for me, for us and for yourself, you tahu tak? I tahu it is not easy to rest all the 4-years’
experience with your ex to bed, but do you think it’s easy being me in our
relationship? I bukan nak merungut tapi just
to let you know things that you’ve know already. All the things that I’ve done, all the sacrifices I’ve done are for
you, not for someone else. So berhentilah daripada cakap “Kalau apa-apa
jadi, it’s my fault, not yours.” cuz’
that hurts my pride a lot, I mean it, a lot.
You pernah cakap, you are
so afraid to say the Forever word and yes, untuk you say the Love word to me pun sangat susah sayang. Cuma sekali aje
you pernah cakap dekat I, itupun waktu you tengah mamai, and just like that you said it, “Love you sayang” and after that you terus terlelap. I tak
tau apa you tersasul or tersilap cakap, but hey, orang cakap selalunya benda
yang kita tersasul tu ialah dari hati kita kan? Yang memang kita nak cakap,
tapi somehow malu ke or tak berani nak cakap. But anyway, thanks a lot sayang. Walaupun after that dah tak ada dah that Love word you said to me, every second,
every day, every night, I tetap teruskan berbuat apa saja yang I terdaya
sampailah you ucapkan that word to me.
Kalau orang tahu kisah kita, orang akan cakap I manusia
bodoh, lelaki desperate. But hey who
cares? I tak bercinta dengan diorang. I tak akan kahwin dengan diorang.
Kalau di izinkan tuhan, I akan kahwin dengan you. So, siapa kesah pasal apa kata orang? I bet orang akan nasihatkan I suruh stop trying too hard for you, sebab nampak gaya macam I’m nobody to you. But I do not trust them. I trust myself, what I see, what I’ve gone
thru with you, your actions and words, and all is saying that you’re giving me
the chances yang you dah janji untuk I buktikan keinginan I terhadap you. And for that I thank you a lot sayang.
Mungkin I tak dapat balasan yang setimpal dengan apa yang I
dah buat dekat you. You sendiri pernah cakap, I didn’t get what I deserved in this relationship, but I don’t care.
I will work hard for it like I always do
and I know that you know that too well, sayang. I pernah dengar orang
cakap, “Benda yang berharga ni memang susah nak dapatkan. Work hard for it, work damn hard for it, and suatu masa nanti kau
akan rasa nikmatnya mencuba dan berusaha keras untuknya setelah kau
perolehinya.” And yes sayang,
sekarang I sanggup berbuat apa saja untuk memenangi you daripada sesiapa pun.
Biarlah kalau muka I tak macam pelakon pun, like
most of your exes, biarlah I gelap dan tak ada rupa sangat pun, tapi I ada
hati yang ikhlas dan rasa kasih sayang yang ikhlas dan tak berbelah bahagi
untuk you.
Love you so much.
